The Two Whos

It was a full flight,  and people grabbed their favorite seating arrangements.   Some early  check in folks, got to  chose the  aisle  while others chose  the  windows.    For Yun and her kids,  the only two seats together were in the very last row  and one of her sons had to sit alone.   Well, that is OK, because this particular 10 year old seems to  enjoy his independence.  He talked half way through the 2 hour flight with the person next to him, and had a jolly old time. ( Cece giggles, because  she has been on the receiving end of Patrick’s thoughtful and pointed discussions!  Let us just hope that he did not ask them if they smoked cigarettes! Then they would be in for a heated debate!).

Before the flight took  off, the stewardess came over the loud speaker and announced,  “There is a  mother and daughter who are seeking two seats together.  If you would like to help out and exercise the random kindness, please let the stewardess know.”

The two men who sat right in front of Yun… one at a  window seat and one at an  aisle seat simultaneously stood up as if they had  a pre-agreed upon thought,  “We will find another seat.”   As they stood up, the person sitting  in the middle moved to the window.  Now there were two adjacent seats waiting for the mother and daughter.

The two gentle men, each walked toward the front of the cabin and found the only two available seats…middle row seats.   When the mother and the daughter arrived at their seats, they sat down. The flight took off

The mother and the daughter have no clue who are the two generous people. The two gentle men who moved to make this happen have no intention of receiving  a “thank you” except the self gratifying thoughts of random kindness.

Gavin asked, “Mommy, what is  random kindness?”  Yun thought for a moment, the said,  “You help people because you want to, not because you want reward or anything for return.”  She is not sure if that explains the glory and grace of it all, but the random kindness was on her mind for a long time.

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos

Maybe you still remember Yun’s lamenting about taking out the trash on Sunday evening…  Just as she has accepted and settled into the routine of taking out the trash, life changes again….

This time, some  princes step  in and arrive to do the dirty work!

After years of Yun’s  persistent encouragement  (she confesses…..sometimes nudging…  occasionally with consequences…. at times “threatening” to get her sons to help with the house chores ) and , after much ‘frustration’ and “thinking that   ‘they will never learn how to be responsible,”    a miracle has  finally happened.  Her “clueless and irresponsible boys”  have turned into princes!

They did not arrive on white stallions with much fanfare and flourish, but they did arrive none the less!  All of a sudden,  they started to divide the household  chores.  They  folded clean laundry, put clean dishes away, fed the birds, cats and fishes, clean the  kitty litters, vacuumed  etc…    Most of all, gathering the trash around the house and taking it out to the garbage bins!

Parenthood is almost like hiking an unknown trail.  After hiking the treacherous mountain for miles, finally one summits the top unexpectedly and you can see the grand view for the first time.  The joy and disbelief all mix into  one deep gentle breath, and all the hard work getting to the top  is evaporated into the fresh air and expanse of the view that is in front of you!   The hardship of the climbing and the frustration of the slow progress seem so insignificant and even silly at this exact moment.

Time never stands still, neither does the life situation.  Our tendency to think in a permanent (and global) way is fundamentally flawed.   At this moment, all we can do is to set the intention and have faith, then just take one step at time.  When the time is right, all will work out in its own term.  Any effort to control can only result in frustration.

Children are changing constantly,  this moment they are ‘irresponsible” and next you know, they are taking out the  trash!  This moment they are ‘obedient’ and next you know, you have a black sheep running about….baaaaa!

What  would our parenting experiences be like if we did not  take this moment for granted?  What  if we took  this moment as a transient moment into the next and next?  As far as Yun can tell, it has made her motherhood so much more enjoyable and full of anticipating of what’s next…

I do not know what life will be, but I know this intense joy and fun!

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos

How many of us have watched Saturday morning children’s television to see the commercials targeting children…what they should want to eat, should want  to wear and what they should want to own.  Even if you go to the movies with children, they  get barraged with advertisements telling them what they should want.  Does anyone need to be told what we SHOULD WANT?   Yun says: “come to think of it, it is worse than the communist’s brain washing when I was growing up.”

Yun is glad she does not have TV reception.  Yun prefers to challenge her children’s minds with creative pursuits and  games. reading, music lessons.  Kids need to be kids, and be encouraged to think and experiment independently.  The other day, Cece called Yun to chat.  In the middle of the conversation, Cece heard the loud voices: “Mommy mommy, I need an egg!”   Yun explained that the boys were designing an experiment to protect an egg if dropped from their second floor.  And guess what?  Cece heard later on that the egg did not break!

But even as we try to protect children from ” I Want It”  advertising, children are still  barraged with it  at every turn.  They also feel peer pressure at school to wear a certain brand of sneakers or have a cell phone or branded  jeans or to have an I POD or other prestigious things.    But is all this stuff really necessary?

It so happened, that Cece was shopping in Target at 1:00pm on a Saturday!  A very unusual time for her to be shopping…in the middle of the Saturday rush! To Cece, Target is almost like an amusement park.  Everything is colorful and modern and brightly lit. It is a up beat environment!   When you walk down the aisles everything is clean and glittery!

Walking down a large main  aisle,  she watched and listened to a mom who had a young boy in each hand on either side of her. The boys were probably 3 and 5.   She was telling them that, Yes, they saw lots of things that they wanted, but that they had the same things at home and buying just to buy was wasteful and not the lesson that she wanted them to learn.”  Hmmm…a very challenging conversation.  The boys seemed  sad because they wanted so much they saw in the glittery store.

Further down that same wide aisle , another woman with two children was  spotted.  This time, the children were in the cart that the mom was pushing.  They were several years older than the previous mom’s kids…perhaps 6 and 8 years old.  This mom was very excited about a hot pink coffee pot!  No kidding!   It was for adults!   The mother and her kids oooohed and aaaahed over this hot pink coffee pot!  They looked at it this way and that way.  Finally, the mom said, “It is pretty… but we have one at home that works just fine.”

The same lesson was being taught by each mom, but from a different perspective.

Cece  marveled at how much responsibility a parent has when taking children shopping.  The lessens must be taught through words as well through actions and role modeling.

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos

Yun ventured out and took a risk this time: she took her sons camping alone!  Normally, she’d invite a few friends along just to feel safe and have additional helping hands.  But,  it has been a year since they camped, and Yun is a bit braver than normal, and the kids are one year older!

So, they decided to camp alone in the  Jemez, which is only 1.5 hours away.  Upon arriving, the kids were eager to work!   They unloaded the tent and started working on setting it up  as Yun watched on!   The poles were  flying ups and downs, the tent was unruly and disobedient!   Mommy finally stepped in to get the tent and poles into  orderly positions.. Once the tent was finally up, the boys wanted to put the flyer on: “It is going to rain!”  one child announced seriously and he was determined to convince mommy that the flyer is absolutely necessary.  So, Yun watched again as the canopy began to fly all over the place.   It took them 30 minutes to set up the tent- the longest ever in Yun’s memory, but the most fun to say the least!

Gavin decided to make the bed.  He disappeared inside the tent for a long time, finally, there was a shout: “Mommy, come look!”.  Peaking though the ‘window’, there were three ‘beds’, a hanging lamp, three pieces of “personal suitcases” lined up on one side of the “bedroom”…  All Yun could express was a big smile from ear to ear.

When it was  time for the  camp fire, the air of excitement quickened as the pace of gathering wood picked up!   For this task, Yun knows she must be in charge.  So she did.  But the boys got to use  matches to light up pieces of paper and insert them into the places Yun indicated…  Soon enough (even though it took longer), they have their camp fire going.  Patrick started to make a  marshmallow roasting stick by clearing  a couple of the small Aspen branches.  He got to use his Swiss army knife for some real (and supervised) first time use.

When the night finally came to the family’s camp site, the moon was already half way through the sky.  As they turned off the lamp and got ready to sleep, Yun heard a very satisfied voice from Patrick saying, ” I have had the most fun because I have a lot more responsibility.”  Gavin echoed immediately,  “me too.”

Yun was taken aback by what she heard.  She never knew that her kids actually take their responsibilities so very seriously and willingly.  “Fun” has different definitions for an adult and for a child,.  The adult’s mundane or dreadful chore can be a child ultimate fun… Go figure.

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos

Yun will never understand why she is often so amused, amazed and mesmerized by her children.  Well, it , might be since she does not see her kids every single day!   She is grateful and appreciative of the time when her children are with her.  Every minute is a new discovery for her children, every moment, there is a tall tale to be heard…

It was a hot summer Friday, the last day of their summer camp.  Yun gave each kid $2 instead $1, so they might purchase more snacks if they wished.  There is soda for 50c, and ice cream for 75c , pizza for $1.50.

As any good and curious mother, when she picked them up at the end of the 6 hour camp, she asked: “Tell me, how did  you spend your $2 today?”   The boys started giggling uncontrollably, and apparently, they had  great fun with the $2.

“Mommy, Gavin spent all his money buying food!”  Patrick chimed in.

“But, you stole a small piece of my peperoni!”  Gavin protested half heatedly.

“So, how did you spend your money, Patrick?”  Yun had to ask again.

“I bought a brisk tea, gave $1 to Western, and 50c to other kids.  Mommy, can we buy some brisk tea?  It is super good!”  Patrick was pouring out what’s on his mind by redirecting his mother away from the question at hand!

“You gave most of your money away?”  Yun was surprised and disappointed (she wished Patrick would not give most of his money away).  “Why did you do this? ”

Yun was curious about the ways  the money was  spent by each kid.  Slowly, more truth came out.   Patrick used 50c to bribe his way from the third in line at the soda machine to the first because he was late for class.  He believed the 50c was very well spent to avoid getting in trouble.  The $1 he gave  to Western?  Because Western lost his $1, and was upset about it.  So, Patrick gave him $1.  Well, that was friendship and the money was well spent, no doubt!

Patrick felt proud about his way of spending the money and giggled again with Gavin as Gavin announced proudly: “I was hungry and I spent the whole $2 on food, and Patrick even shared it..”

Yun was tickled that the boys had been so ingenious in their use of money.  They both got to eat and drink and they  helped  others at the same time.  Now the bribing to get to the front of the line and out of trouble?  Pure problem solving !

It is not always easy to let children make their own decisions.  But, at times, the best a parent can do is to encourage their  independent thinking and choice making  even though we might not feel  100% comfortable with their decisions.  Learning to look at her children’s behavior from their perspective is something she has learned, and it has made parenthood so much more fun for her and for her children…  So, $2 well spent, says who? Depends on who is talking!

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos