The Two Whos

Gavin is turning 9.  Yun is having a similar  dilemma regarding  what to buy her younger son as she did when her older son  turned 10 (A gift that arouse deep appreciation of a 10 year old?).   Yun is lost again.  Since Gavin’s father will be  hosting  a swimming party for Gavin’s classmates a week later, she knows he will get lots of gifts then!  Yun  has decided that ” over gifting” …with all these  toys  for kids is  over rated when  celebrating one’s birthday.   What could she do  then to make the birthday special for him?

Friends are what come to Yun’s mind.  So,  Yun called upon a  couple of old friends, whose boys were in preschool together with Gavin.  She invited the boys over as a surprise for Gavin.  One of the families moved out of town for three or so years and just moved back to town… So, the boys have not seen seen each other for about 3 years.  That’s a very long time for a 9 year old!

“It is not a traditional birthday party, so no presents please.  Just your presence would be greatly appreciated.”  Having said that to her friends, Yun felt the need to explain to Gavin about having a birthday celebration but without birthday presents.  Gavin’s eyes opened wide upon hearing such  an outlandish idea or nonsense, “what? No presenst for a birthday party?”

“Well, no toy presents, that is.  But people’s presence would be a  nice present by itself, isn’t it?:    Yun is trying to convey the message as clear as she can….that the child’s friendship is the gift. “I guess.”  the boy says reluctantly.   It is hard for him to look at a birthday celebration differently since all he knows about birthday celebrations is nothing but about ice cream cake and presents.

Also, parents are often tempted to invite many little ‘friends’ over, so to see the birthday child’s face lit up seeing a pile of birthday presents, much like Christmas presents.  Yun wonders what else could we bring that puts  sparkles into a child’s eye besides the glittering wrapping papers and ribbons?  Well,   when Gavin greets his “old” friends at the door, he begins to understand that their friendship is the gift and his  eyes are sparking with pure joy and innocence!

Oh,but let’s not forget the cake!  This time, no store brought mini cheese cake.   Although Yun does not bake,  that does not stop her from making a birthday cake for Gavin on the morning of his birthday.  You should have seen Gavin’s eyes light up seeing the candle lit cake ! His mouth was wide open and salivating! He blew out the candles and he ate  the whole cake just as Yun has expected!  Well, Gavin is a good eater, unlike his brother,  but a whole cake for breakfast?

Off course!  Why not?  Especially if you make the cake with brown rice, decorated with  “Gavin’s favorite chili oil” or the “I do not know chili oil” and soy sauce!  That’s his most favorite food in the “whole wild world”. Gavin says it is the world’s  weirdest cake, and he loves it.  Happy birthday, Gavin!

Cece wonders what’s the next crazy idea Yun will have for the boys birthday next year?  Noodle cake or a day of working at a  food bank?  Who knows…Yun is trying to teach her children that gifts that glitter are not to be depended on to create happiness.  More and more stuff does not make one more and more happy!

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos

Often times, parents can try too hard to ’shape’ their children’s life.  Parenthood can become a stressful experience rather than a joyous adventure with our children.  May all  parents keep a broader perspective on children and enjoy parenthood with faith and unconditional love.

Khalil Gibran started his “On Children” from “The prophet”   “They are the sons and daughter’s of life’s  longing for itself.”

On Children Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

“Bye for Now ” From The Two Whos

About The Mid-Week  Symphony: Since Wednesday is the middle of the week, we have decided to take a  moment  and have a bit of down time from the writing.  Each Wednesday, we would like to bring you a symphony of ideas, a harmony of thoughts, beauty, silliness and all things that make the fullness of life.  When we started this blog we wanted it to reflect our entire personalities and interests..and that means yes…. Cece loves  the Far Side Cows and Yun loves the mumble jumble philosophical books.   Yun and Cece have many varied interests and we would like to share some of them with you each Wednesday.

It was a full flight,  and people grabbed their favorite seating arrangements.   Some early  check in folks, got to  chose the  aisle  while others chose  the  windows.    For Yun and her kids,  the only two seats together were in the very last row  and one of her sons had to sit alone.   Well, that is OK, because this particular 10 year old seems to  enjoy his independence.  He talked half way through the 2 hour flight with the person next to him, and had a jolly old time. ( Cece giggles, because  she has been on the receiving end of Patrick’s thoughtful and pointed discussions!  Let us just hope that he did not ask them if they smoked cigarettes! Then they would be in for a heated debate!).

Before the flight took  off, the stewardess came over the loud speaker and announced,  “There is a  mother and daughter who are seeking two seats together.  If you would like to help out and exercise the random kindness, please let the stewardess know.”

The two men who sat right in front of Yun… one at a  window seat and one at an  aisle seat simultaneously stood up as if they had  a pre-agreed upon thought,  “We will find another seat.”   As they stood up, the person sitting  in the middle moved to the window.  Now there were two adjacent seats waiting for the mother and daughter.

The two gentle men, each walked toward the front of the cabin and found the only two available seats…middle row seats.   When the mother and the daughter arrived at their seats, they sat down. The flight took off

The mother and the daughter have no clue who are the two generous people. The two gentle men who moved to make this happen have no intention of receiving  a “thank you” except the self gratifying thoughts of random kindness.

Gavin asked, “Mommy, what is  random kindness?”  Yun thought for a moment, the said,  “You help people because you want to, not because you want reward or anything for return.”  She is not sure if that explains the glory and grace of it all, but the random kindness was on her mind for a long time.

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos

How often do you find yourself explaining  to people who you are or what decisions you have made ?   This is how it goes:

You are walking down the aisle  at the grocery store in a pair of unflattering house pants and you are picking up a heavy cream for the pie you are making.  All of a sudden you see an acquaintance  from work whose name you cannot remember.    Her eyes widen as she glances at  your pants.  You quickly explain: “I am taking today off to cook a dinner for a party tonight. I have not had  a chance to shower yet.”  What you are really explaining is,  “I dress nice and neat.  What you see this moment is not the real me.”

You take your kids for a long trip and stop by the gas station to refuel. The  kids want to taste a“monster drink”.  You say,  “Go ahead get one.”   At the register, as your child hands the drink to the cashier, you hear a voice behind you that  says to your child,  “You know, this drink is really not good for you.”   You turn around to explain,  “They normally do not get it.  This is the first time.”  What you are really explaining is, ”I am a sensible mother. I do not do this on a regular basis.”

Your children are acting up in a party, and you call them forth in front of your friends.  It  so happens there is a child psychologist near by.   You start to talk to your children in a patient voice that you hardly recognize for yourself!   What you are really doing is explaining and demonstrating to the child psychologist that,  “I am a good parent.”

At a party, you strike a conversation with a stranger.  He/she talks and brags about his/her charity work and how disturbing it is to see people suffering.  You explain and share,  “I volunteer at xxx, and what I see is heartbreaking too.   I always donate money to help out.”  What you are really explaining is,  “I am a very sensitive, kind and generous person and I want to you to know that.”

So much explaining  can get very tiring and it comes in an elaborated format when it comes to “proving ” and “explaining ” ourselves  at work or  in a relationship.  We put our best foot forward hoping people will ‘perceive’ our  best side…. the better  side we want people to see.  Poet David Whyte calls this constant explaining of  self to others an “utter despair!”  We are constantly on alert  to “protect” our image by explaining  ourselves.

So, what does it matter if a total stranger does not know about  “how nice I am, how kind I am,  how smart I am?”   Even more so, what if our friends and family do not understand us?   Does constantly explaining ourselves tell people how worthy we are?    Maybe the better approach is to know and trust who we  are.  Would that eliminate the  need to explain ourselves  to others?

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos

How many of us have watched Saturday morning children’s television to see the commercials targeting children…what they should want to eat, should want  to wear and what they should want to own.  Even if you go to the movies with children, they  get barraged with advertisements telling them what they should want.  Does anyone need to be told what we SHOULD WANT?   Yun says: “come to think of it, it is worse than the communist’s brain washing when I was growing up.”

Yun is glad she does not have TV reception.  Yun prefers to challenge her children’s minds with creative pursuits and  games. reading, music lessons.  Kids need to be kids, and be encouraged to think and experiment independently.  The other day, Cece called Yun to chat.  In the middle of the conversation, Cece heard the loud voices: “Mommy mommy, I need an egg!”   Yun explained that the boys were designing an experiment to protect an egg if dropped from their second floor.  And guess what?  Cece heard later on that the egg did not break!

But even as we try to protect children from ” I Want It”  advertising, children are still  barraged with it  at every turn.  They also feel peer pressure at school to wear a certain brand of sneakers or have a cell phone or branded  jeans or to have an I POD or other prestigious things.    But is all this stuff really necessary?

It so happened, that Cece was shopping in Target at 1:00pm on a Saturday!  A very unusual time for her to be shopping…in the middle of the Saturday rush! To Cece, Target is almost like an amusement park.  Everything is colorful and modern and brightly lit. It is a up beat environment!   When you walk down the aisles everything is clean and glittery!

Walking down a large main  aisle,  she watched and listened to a mom who had a young boy in each hand on either side of her. The boys were probably 3 and 5.   She was telling them that, Yes, they saw lots of things that they wanted, but that they had the same things at home and buying just to buy was wasteful and not the lesson that she wanted them to learn.”  Hmmm…a very challenging conversation.  The boys seemed  sad because they wanted so much they saw in the glittery store.

Further down that same wide aisle , another woman with two children was  spotted.  This time, the children were in the cart that the mom was pushing.  They were several years older than the previous mom’s kids…perhaps 6 and 8 years old.  This mom was very excited about a hot pink coffee pot!  No kidding!   It was for adults!   The mother and her kids oooohed and aaaahed over this hot pink coffee pot!  They looked at it this way and that way.  Finally, the mom said, “It is pretty… but we have one at home that works just fine.”

The same lesson was being taught by each mom, but from a different perspective.

Cece  marveled at how much responsibility a parent has when taking children shopping.  The lessens must be taught through words as well through actions and role modeling.

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos