As you will know if you have been reading this blog , the Two Whos are very different people.They often have different perspectives on various issues. They actually enjoy this because it makes their back and forth writing that much better. This week, one Who wanted to write a week long series about hatred. The other Who was not so sure. Often The Whos are more lighthearted…but one Who feels that at this time, they cannot be lighthearted. The Whos agree that they do not want to present the perspective to “hate the one who hates”. They are looking at ways in which hatred can be healed and how it can be worked through their minds. The Whos are negotiating the content of this week’s posts. They will publish a post each day Monday through Friday, this week. Bear with them as they work to practice their negotiating and communication skills and problem solve with each other and their guest bloggers.
The climate in the world right now is very upsetting. It seems that everyone is hating “the other” one.
Who is the other? It is a person who is different from you. They may have black , yellow, red, white, or brown skin…or shades there of. They might not be white enough, brown enough or black enough. They may have eyes that are not like yours…or political views that do not match your own. Their religious beliefs might not match your own. They are “other” than you are.
Children up to a certain age, do not seem to realize that people are different from t hem or may have differing skin colors or beliefs. They just see other kids who they can play with and have fun with. Oh! If we could maintain that innocence! When Cece was 7 years old, she realized in 2nd grade, washing her hands with her best friend Loretta, that their skin color was not the same. She asked the teacher about it. The teacher called Cece’s mom…and her mom told her one of the most important life lessons in her life. Her mom said “We all bleed the same color blood.” This lesson has always been remembered.
“We all bleed the same color blood.” What does this mean? It means that when the blood pours out, it will all be the the same color…we will all feel the same pain from the wound. We are the same in our humanness.
Every day we can make choices. We are not bound by the one choice we made in the past. We are not bound by the choices our families taught us. We can chose to make peace…rather than make war and provoke and inflame…we can chose another way that will not promote gossip or inflame angers…or riots or blood letting. We can chose to not name call and belittle. We can chose not to label people as good or bad. We can chose our words carefully and in a measured way so that we do not alienate, separate, and stereotype. We can face our fears head on and risk getting to know…taking the time to begin to dialogue and understand.
Facing our fears is the most difficult task we can undertake. It is a radical approach that will transform and change us. If we are willing to face the fears in our own lives, change will occur.
Cece happened upon a peace retreat in Santa Barbara in 2002. The retreat leader was Arun Gandhi the grandson of Mahatma Gandhi. She came to a door, she saw a sign on it,opened the door, took a risk… and she was invited in. Arun told them that he was a very angry person as a youth, growing up under the stringent apartheid laws in South Africa. He developed a need for revenge and violence due to how he was treated by others. He was not dark enough at some times and not light enough at other times …and he continually got beaten up by various mobs. He was sent to stay with his grandfather in the hope that he would learn to cultivate and practice peace. Cece learned that his grandfather had required him to write a violence genealogy every day he was with him and to tack it to a tree. On this paper, he took a self-inventory. He looked at all the things he did each day that were considered passive violence…the hate, name calling, prejudices and fears he held, teasing, sarcasm,put downs,disrespect, over consumption of goods, de-valueing a person, dictating and commanding people, supporting groups that do bad things…on and on it went…these were the fuel supply for actual physical violence to himself or others.They were the tiny matches that provided the little flames, that then grew and torched the violences. He had to look at what he did passively that fueled actual physical violence or aggression. He then had to discuss this with his grandfather. He had to work toward forgiveness.
Left unchecked, the cycle of violence is such that justice equals revenge….and unless you get someone to pay, you will never get closure. The challenge to each of us, is to look at our own selves with our own fears and issues and work on it every day. Write it with the intent of finding a solution to our violence and need for revenge. Cece has been doing this imperfectly, since that day. It is difficult to look at our own behavior in an honest way each day…and to ask the question, ” In what ways do I light the tiny matches that will ignite into a blaze…. that will inflame aggression and violence in others? What is the fuel source that I use to inflame? Do I gossip,use sarcasm, name call , put down, command, belittle?’ Flesh it out for yourself and take a risk to look and self-examine. Then tell someone about it. See if you can get a more clear awareness of how your fears fuel hatred and the need for violence and revenge on others.
“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos
