The Two Whos

How often do we chew on our anger like an old piece of gum?  We stretch it, snap it , pop it out, and then take it all back in and restart.   It is the routine of anger- gum chewing.  When the original flavor of the anger is gone, our mind will make up more stories  as if to create more artificial flavor, so we continue to chew…

Spit it out!  What good does chewing on anger do for us? This is the metaphor that Cece uses with her client…to spit out the gum of anger rather than holding onto it and chewing it for days on end.

Cece is thinking of this idea of “chewing on anger” .  Apparently, she has done her own share in her life.  However,  she discovers that it is very common with others too!  It is not just a “client issue” it is an “everyone issue” !

Yeah, chewing on anger may make us feel righteous to punish others, or feel justified to be a victim.   How healthy is the snap and pop and chew of anger for the emotional, physical and spiritual self?  When we hold anger, our blood pressure rises…we could have a heart attack, stroke or get a migraine…you name it.  Some do not sleep.  Some do not eat.  Some get sick. Some lash out at others and “Kick the dog.”  Some end up in jail with handcuffs on like Cece’s client.   In Cece’s case, she spells  S H I T when her computer is attacked by a virus a couple of days ago.   Yun does not know about others,  but she sure knows that Cece does not “chew” on it longer than the spelling can take.

It is our mind that is possessed by the uncontrollable thoughts that lead to more anger and resentment.  So, what is the alternative? Yun is advocating: ” CONTROL YOUR MIND!”

Well, that is easier said than done.  We realize that.   Like any habit, to kick off the habit of  irrational random thinking requires work, lots disciplined work.  On Thursday night, Yun met Cece at the concrete factory for the spin class.   Yun confessed to Cece: “I was looking for more excuses not to come here tonight, but I told myself to stop it.  So here I am.  It is not easy.  But next week will be easier, I am sure.”

There are couple of other practical alternatives:

Arun Gandhi was sent by his grandfather to write a daily violence genealogy and to tack it to the tree. Each day Mahatma would come and take a look and discuss it with him. Arun was to look over the past days and access what he had done to fuel his anger by using gossip, put downs prejudice and much more…the tiny fuels that make for the lighting of bigger fires. In this way he got insights into his own part in the rage that was lighting up around him.

Cece has a fork map she uses working with her client.  For every negative emotion, there is an opposite  positive emotion.  So, find the positive feeling opposite your anger, and put it on the opposite side of the fork map.  Put the map in a place you can easily see, and whenever you find yourself  “chewing” again, look at the feeling you want to feel…make a decision if you are willing to let the negative feeling go and practice the positive feeling…. chew that feeling instead…If you are not willing to stop the chewing, decide what actions you might need to take to let the negative go…this might involve talking to someone, writing a letter that you may  or may not send  or taking some type of action. 

What solutions do you employ to diffuse your anger? What is your method? How does it work?

“Bye for Now” from The Two Whos